After all, who doesn't enjoy a really dramatic girlfriend who sees her world as spinning out of control all the time or who has regular spats with close friends or boyfriends that she's willing to recap for maximum entertainment value? That's like befriending the Jennifer Lawrence character in a David O. Russell film or having one of the Real Housewives on speed dial!
I savor a phone call from a friend who feels persecuted by her coworkers and is positive she'll never get the attention or recognition she deserves. I like people who are brutally honest. I like feeling needed. And as shameful as it is to admit, friends like these remind me that no matter how tough things might seem for me, they could be a lot tougher.
When I was younger, I never wanted friends who answered "How are you?" with a simple "Fine!" I didn't want to skim the surface. I could do that with the grocery store cashier! I wanted friends who were prone to analyzing the subtext of their boss's e-mails or launching into hopelessly long-winded rants about something small but disheartening that happened on their commute to work that derailed their whole morning.
Years ago, I was talking to a new friend on the phone about her new boyfriend, and she stopped and said, "Whatever. Who has time to analyze this stuff?" And I replied, "I do. And if I didn't, I'd make the time." I wanted all the juicy details.
Unfortunately, though, for all their soothing and entertaining and lovably messy qualities, high- maintenance friendships sometimes don't age well. You might've been up for a steady stream of complaints when you were both in your teens or early 20s. When you're working entry-level jobs and dating noncommittal men, what's not to hate? But as you mature, you may find your favorite daringly honest emotional storyteller doesn't mellow with age so much as explode, leaving a mess everywhere. You're a loyal friend, determined to stick with her through thick and thin, of course—but one day, you wake up and you realize that not only has your friend been having daily drama for a decade straight, but she also doesn't seem to remember how to listen to or support you anymore. It's like she's forgotten you're a separate person with needs and desires of your own.
As a longtime advice columnist (you may know me as Ask Polly), I often tell people to commit to their closest friends the way they would commit to a life partner. That includes sometimes stepping in if you think they're in danger. If a friend seems continually depressed or mentions suicide, it's important to strongly urge her to get professional help—even go with her to that first appointment. But maybe your friend is just perpetually irritated and incredibly self-centered…and she's been that way for years now. As much as I hate to admit it, there really are some friendships—even once-great, old friendships—that, for whatever reason, feel like they're only hurting both friends by dragging on well past their natural expiration date.
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